A Very Special Olympics

The President of late has run afoul of the parents and advocates for children that go to school via the short bus. Imagine my surprise when I learned we were all supposed to take the Special Olympics seriously, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I mean what are we to make of kids in wheel chairs being tossed into pools and told to swim or that competition where you ski and shoot and ride a horse, oh wait a minute that’s the Pentateuch or Biathlon or whatever and real people do it in Finland.

I assume that one solution would be not filling the little tykes in on what all the laughing behind their backs was about, thats what we did with Clinton and Bush. After all there should be a place where adult liberal sophisticates can safely snicker at the unfortunate with out being upbraided for being the callous bigots they are. With George Bush out of Washington how are Bill Maher, John Stewart and Stephen Colbert going to keep coming up with bright, fresh, politically savvy original material? They’ll have to mock the stumbling, drooling and funny looking folks that haven’t been elected to Congress yet, that’s how.

Now I have nothing against Down’s Syndrome athletes competing in whatever they choose, except curling and synchronized rowing because they clearly have an intelligence edge on the folks that do that for real. A very good friend and second most flamboyantly Queenie homosexual I ever knew, Waylon Flowers once told me “Don’t Taunt The Wretched!” and I have always tried to follow that advice. (Actually it’s more like a 500 way tie for second for the Queenie crown, sorry Waylon.) Although that begs the question, who is more wretched: the kids who are just having fun or our gifted President who it seems could medal at the next Special Olympics Spontaneous Public Speaking competition, although Biden is certain for the Gold.

From now on I will refrain from using Idiot, Retard, Imbecile, Shit For Brains, Moron, Hydro Cephalic Crap Head, Quarter Wit, Half Wit, Nit Wit, Melon Headed Nit Wit, French Brained Nit Wit head, Boob brain, Bean Brained, Bungle Headed Moron with a side of Retarded, Mullet Headed B B Brain, Stupid fucking Asshole Nit Wit, Badger Brain, Taco Flavored Doritos Nit Wit Bubble Brain and Dummy when referring to the challenged folks at the Special Olympics. I will reserve these words for the dim bulbs and pellet heads in the general population that aren’t in the Special Olympics and when I’m driving.

I hope we can now watch the Special Olympics with new found gravity and watch the equestrian sailing, rhythmic weight lifting and ice fishing finals with the seriousness they deserve except when that vacuum headed shit melon Bob Costas is doing the commentary.