Sunday, August 16, 2009

Sara Jane, Squeaky and John

Hi I'm back. Due to injuries incurred during a work related Fijian strap match... Ahhh... Who am I kidding, nobody is reading this.

Investigative reporter Oscar Alonzo Welderhunt is investigating the scandalous availability of free Internet porn. To date he has filed thirty eight servers with research material, developed an awesome tennis serve and an equally awesome bone crushing handshake. Although disabled by carpal tunnel syndrome recently, after the the wrist transplant he expects to get back to work on the article which he is determined to complete within the next sixteen or seventeen years or until he finds a girlfriend.

The release of Squeaky Fromme sparked some interest from the over medicated editorial board at the PODM news center in Bizquick Washington. It is believed that for the first time in history we have three unsuccessful presidential assassins walking around free, four if you count Arthur Bremer who took out presidential hopeful George Wallace in the prelims! Squeaky, Bremer and Sara Jane Moore are free as birds that are being monitored by their probation officers and John Hinckley continues to get more unsupervised walking around time from the wacky house he's in.

With this kind of talent on the streets we think there is one possible outcome: A Reality TV show, bad news for Republicans and good news for NBC. Squeaky is the star of course, she seems as wacky as the day she went in and of course she has a supportive family. Sara Jane is less telegenic but who can forget Estelle Getty in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. Hinckley has the Jodie Foster connection and the looks that made him the heart throb of the sedated distaff inmates at St Elizabeth's Hospital. And he has a song out.

Arthur Bremer is the wild card in this deck of jokers, the court said he was sane but he's been quiet and you know what they say about the quiet ones. As of now the show is untitled although "Run for Your Life", "One in the Pump" and "The People's Choice" are top contenders, "The Assassinettes" was scrubbed once Bremer became available. Keith Olbermann is a lock as MC.

Of course this begs the question:
Has anybody here, seen my old friend Sirhan -
Can you tell me where he's gone?
He shot some people and the DA called it wrong,
But I just looked around and he's gone.


John P. McCann said...

Sirhan was neighbors with Chuck Manson up in Corcoran for many years.

I wonder if they discussed the burden of celebrity?

Ling Carter said...

I'm glad Squeaky's out.

California needs more free range psychos.

Dutch said...

I'm beginning to suspect that you two guys are the only people who read this blog. I flagged myself to Linda Douglas and she assigned FBI agents that are on disciplinary probation to read it. They called me the other day and asked me to stop, something about how it was cruel and unusual punishment. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time I always say. Keep your eye on the Sparrow, and Robert Blake too.