Knotty but Nice

The casual reader of PODM might think, based on recent postings, that the site was some sort snarky military misinformation center for dummies which in fact it is. We at PODM like to think we embrace the whole spectrum of human ignorance, the triumph of stupidity over the obvious and the agony of watching stunningly straight forward and easy concepts going down in flames. We don’t limit our selves to misstatements of fact, callous mockery of the wretched or flamboyant flourishes of rhetorical wreckage, sometimes we just cop a squat and crap allover something good, sound and sensible.

That said, I know nothing about military things, unless you count the Civil War, (Currently I am in a conundrum over why Lee had to be informed about the unmarked road that lead to a point on the Eleventh Corps’ right flank at Chancellorsville. They had been occupying the ground since Fredericksburg and Jackson had Jedidiah Hotchkiss mapping the Shenandoah Valley since spring 1862. Was Lee remiss in not having a thorough topographical survey done of the area behind the Rapidan River fords and does this hint at the sloppy staff work that characterized Lee’s performance at Gettysburg?.) British Naval strategy of the War of 1812 (The British severely underestimated the difficulty of maintaining sailing ships on blockade station when their bases in Bermuda and Halifax were so widely separated.) and Custer’s Last Stand (Don’t get me started). It is also clear I know nothing of composition because if I did I wouldn’t have put three lengthy parenthetical thoughts in such a short sentence.

At least that’s settled and now for sex.

The respected thespian David Carradine passed recently under circumstances that can best be described as awkward. It appears that Mr. Carradine was done in by and has done for auto erotic asphyxia what Clinton and Lewinsky did for the blow job and Anderson Cooper did for tea bagging, thrusting (perhaps an inappropriate term) an unexpected, unwanted and unnecessary subject onto the public forum for discussion.

I know nothing about auto erotic asphyxia except that Albert Dekker, also died while enjoying its lethal pleasures as did Michael Hutchence the lead singer of INXS. It is notable that these three were performers, the various authors and politicians that died in the throes of Eros had the courtesy to die while another person was present.

I for one applaud our celebrities when they pause in their effort to demonstrate the drab banality of our tepid little lives by pursuing outlandish forms of public sybaritic debauchery. By spending a quiet evening enjoying a session of vigorous masturbation that went disastrously wrong Mr. Carradine has once again confirmed to me how sheltered a life I‘ve led. I don’t know why he would do so in Bangkok where if you have American money the prime minister will bring a girl to your room but if we have learned one thing from this tragedy it’s that auto erotic asphyxia requires a spotter.

Know your knots.

Several of the Blogs I read are exorcised of the David Letterman/Sarah Palin imbroglio most contending that political family members should be off limits where smutty lewd comments are concerned. I’d like to point how much fun these folks are to ridicule. Billy Carter, Margret Truman, Lou Hoover, Lemonade Lucy Hayes and Nell, the late wife of Chester A. Arthur all provided the humorist of their time with filthy off color material. Who can forget Wilson Mizner’s immortal jibe, “That Florence Harding... What a slut!” which brought down the house where ever he played. Aren’t we risking the rich national tradition of calling our leaders’ spouses skanks, sluts and round heeled pigs that would blow a poodle for a quarter and give ten cents change?(Too much?)

Are we to forgo the hours of risible fun the Kennedy’s provide with all their associated wives, mistresses, children, cousins, in-laws and organized crime connections? How about Pat Nixon, Betty Ford or Martha Mitchell? Nancy Reagan took a few for the team and Barbra Bush was a stand up gal, even if her husband did put her portrait on the one dollar bill.

Bill Clinton of course kept the focus off Chelsea with his unprecedented string of howlers but even he gave us a stupider brother we could all laugh at. One of the Bush girls got up-skirted by the paparazzi, we haven’t seen that kind of thing since Hustler printed those shots of Jackie Onassis.

I suppose it seems unfair to go after Sarah Palin because she is so much like ourselves and unlike the pompous, self important royal families we coronate every four years. You can imagine her leaning over the back seat to give Bristol and Willow a couple of whacks when they won’t stop fighting. It’s hard to picture Lady Bird doing the same to Luci and Lynda. Also Palin has achieved the impossible, successfully balancing the demands of a career, a husband and a family, something feminism promised but couldn’t deliver. To jibe her about her family’s idiosyncrasies is a little like teasing Lance Armstrong about his testicles.

We are gambling with our entertainment future here. If we don’t want people to make fun of the relatives of the clowns we elect, maybe we shouldn’t vote for people that come from circus families.